BDSM (wtf?!) for Beginners

The BDSM lifestyle is usually portrayed as taboo and as out of control. However most people do not do enough research to understand the reasons behind BDSM and do not realize that there are many loving couples that practice this lifestyle. Here is some basic information and explanation as to the whats and whys of BDSM and how to some it is just another way of expressing sexuality.

You may ask; what BDSM stand for? I just so happen to have that answer for you.


B & D
- Bondage and Discipline
D & S
– Domination (Dom) and Submission (Sub)
S & M
- Sadism and Masochism


One thing to keep in mind about BDSM, is that is does not always mean a sexual relationship. However, it always must mean a trusting relationship. Due to the intense nature of BDSM it can be very overwhelming and having an interaction like this (a scene) with someone you do not trust may create fear and animosity. Some of the people that enjoy Dominance and Submission are very close friends that share nothing but this experience, no sex is involved ever. However, the majority are couples that live in a “vanilla world”, and just delve into Sadism and Masochism in their personal lives.

A key aphorism within the realm of people that live the BDSM lifestyle is:

SSC- Safe, Sane, and Consensual
A person that is a true Dominant or Submissive lives by these rules and do not push their limits for someone to get injured (more than they truly want, that is). Dominant and Submissive couples have safe words for the submissive to say when they have reached their limit or pain threshold.

So you may ask, “What is really involved within this lifestyle; whips, chains masks and all those scary looking things” (usually referring to paddles, collars and medical devices)? The answer is no and it is not the true essence of what this lifestyle means. Whenever the Dom (be it the female or male) takes on the role of the Dominant, they are agreeing to protect and care for their Sub in a way that lovers rarely experience. They may control and/or punish their slave or submissive, but they also pleasure and deeply love them as well. One important thing to realize is that the Submissive is going to the Dominant and is seeking out exactly what the DOM will give. A Sub wants to be controlled and sometimes the pain involved is what the Sub’s desires and needs. You would naturally think that the Dominant is in control, but in truth it is exactly the other way around. The Sub gives their self to the Dom and in that giving, the Sub is in control. The safe word also gives the sub the ability to immediately stop whatever is being done, so essentially the Dom is at the Sub's beck and call.

The physiology of why people enjoy this lifestyle is often referred to as sensation play. This means that while in “a scene” there may be pain inflicted, but without true injury. This type of stimulation creates a mass of endorphins which then instills a feeling like one has after climax. This feeling can be escalated to extreme measures, creating what Submissives call "Sub Space". This “space” is when the Sub is so involved with the sensation, the pain no longer registers. Then everything is just pleasure sensations and they want even more.

In the brain the receptors that register pain and pleasure overlap naturally, some more than others and this allows people to gain pleasure from pain and vice versa. This is the scientific reason for why people enjoy this lifestyle. However, if you ask a Sub or Dom why they live this lifestyle, you will hear words like passion, need, deserve, want, love and addiction. This lifestyle may not be for everyone, but it is also not as taboo or scary as people think it is. It is definitely not a cesspool for sex freaks, but more the opposite as the people that love this lifestyle are intense, trustworthy and terribly respectful. (Mainly because they have been “taught” to be so.)

Comments

Popular Posts