15 minutes to orgasm and the destruction of a healthy sexual relationship
Now that I am back from a much needed break I am going to delve into a topic a bit off of my normal blog, I am going to be focusing on couples for a change. This week’s blog is on something that I call “15 minutes to orgasm and the destruction of a healthy sexual relationship”.
I am sure by now you are all saying “WTF! I could get myself off in 5 minutes or less” “my sex life is fine” “I have never gotten any complaints” etc. Whereas that may very well be true, a thing some partners forget is that they are with another person and your partner most likely will not have the same needs as you do. I am, in no way condemning the “quickie”, but if your routine sex life is turning into a “quickie”, it is time to re-evaluate your idea of good partner sex.
I have many people texting, emailing and calling me asking me “Why does sex (meaning the act of actual intercourse) only last 10-15 minutes? We spend so much time thinking about it, planning it, timing it, prepping for it, why can’t we spend just as much time doing it (no pun intended)?” You will spend more time in the shower, doing your makeup, your hair or nails so why are you only spending 10-15 minutes on sex with your partner? Are they less important than your nails or hair?
My answer to this question is quite simple. Foreplay, true sensuality and sexual displays of affection are becoming a lost art. With our busy lives, social networks, jobs, kids (when applicable), relationship issues, sex and intimacy are starting to become a form of a life band-aid, not an erotic, sensual and loving experience like it should be. In just about every blog I have written, I have always said how important it is to be relaxed and focused on your pleasure, this should be no different when your partner is involved. Go in relaxed and leave anything other than sexual pleasure behind you. Your focus is you and your partner, not your job, you kids, neighbors, pets etc. Once the intimacy begins don’t stop to get the phone, check your text messages, go to the bathroom or wash off your playthings. All of those things can wait or should have been thought about beforehand. Nothing can kill a mood or make your partner feel like you are not focused on them, like getting up to do something, commenting on the pets actions or worry about what he kids are doing while sharing sexual and intimate time with your partner.
Foreplay is extremely important in a sexual relationship and should be mutual; both partners should give and receive in foreplay. By foreplay I don’t mean just a quick rub or a tug then say “fuck me”. Spend time on making your partner feel loved and wanted by kissing them, talking dirty to them, performing oral sex and using your hands and fingers. Spend at least 15 minutes on foreplay alone; don’t worry about coming to orgasm it is perfectly ok to have more than one. If you partner gets off and needs time to recoup keep going yourself give your lover an erotic show, let him or her see how much you desire to be with them.
Spice up you foreplay, by role-playing, dressing up, using toys, giving a massage or setting your room up in a theme. Any or all of these ideas will show your partner that they are not just a fuck buddy, but someone that is important to you.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of my reader and I encourage you to contact me with any questions, comments or blog discussion ideas. I hope everyone has a happy and healthy week.
For any female health questions you may have please visit http://AskMyObgyn.com, where you will find a vast resource of health issues and you can ask your question to a board certified doctor.